Three girls make paalam to their Dad...
Girl 1: Dad, I'm going out with Pete to Eat.
Girl2: I'm going out with Lance to Dance.
Girl3: I'm going out with Chuk to...
Dad: Ah, Hinde! Dito ka lang sa bahay!!!
Lot And Friends?
-------------------------------------------
Anak: Itay, bibili ako ng band paper
Itay: Anak, wag kang bobo ha? hindi "BAND paper" ang
tawag dun!
Anak: Ano po ba?
Itay: "Kokongban"
-----------------------------------------------------
Bakla at Macho nagkasabay sa CR...
Bakla: Ang laki naman nyan sayo...
Macho: Wala na tong silbi kasi iniwan na ako ng GF
ko... puputulin ko na
lang at ipapakain sa aso!
Bakla: aw! aw! aw!
------------------------------------------------------------
Pedro: Pare bakit malungkot ka?
Juan: Asawa ko nag hire ng driver, Gwapo, Bata, Macho!
Pedro: Nagseselos ka?
Juan: Nagtataka lang ako kasi wala kaming sasakyan!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Mister: Di ko na kaya problema ko!
Misis: Hon, problema natin ito, tayo ang magkasama sa
buhay, lahat ng
problema mo problema ko... ano problema natin?
Mister: nabuntis natin si Inday, tayo ang ama!
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A Husband came home 4AM and saw his wife in bed with
another man...
His wife shouted at him, "Where have you been?"
Husband: "Who is that man?!?"
Wife: "Grabe ka! Dont change the topic!!"
---------------------------------------------------------
Wife: Dear, ano regalo mo sa 25th Anniversary natin?
Husband: Dalhin kita sa Africa...
Wife: Wow! How sweet naman... eh! sa 50th Anniversary
natin?
Husband: Susunduin na kita!
------------------------------------------------------------------
Biyaya na makukuha sa Gulay:
AMPALAYA, pampapula ng dugo KALABASA pampalinaw ng
mata TALONG pampatirik
ng mata MANI pampatirik ng TALONG. Ay! nalito na ako.
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American guy named Paul challenged a Filipino:
American: Use my name 4 times in a sentence!
Pedro: Paul, be carePaul, you might Paul in the
swimming Paul
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Sabi Airforce: "No Guts No Glory!"
Sabi Marines: "No Retreat No Surrender!"
Sabi Army: "No Pain, No Gain!"
naks! ayaw patalo
Security Guards: "No I.D. No Entry!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
HONEYMOON:
Wife: Hon wag mo ako bibiglain ha? I'm still a virgin
Husband: You mean ako ang una?
Wife: Yes, do it na
Husband: I did it na, kanina pa!!
Wife: ah ganon ba? Aray pala
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ama: Buntis anak ko, panagutan mo!
BF: May asawa na po ako!
Ama: Pano 'to?
BF: Areglo na lang po... 2 M pag Boy, 2.5M pag Girl
Ama: Ok, pero pag nakunan. GIB HER ANADER CHANS ha?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
BALIW (tumawag sa mental hospital):
Hello... may tao po ba sa Room 168?
Telephone Operator: Wala po, Bakit?
Baliw: Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako!
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Misis: lolokohin ko mister ko, magpapanggap ako na
prosti dito sa kanto
namin>(dumaan ang mister nya...)
Misis: Pogi! available ako ngayon, pwede ka ba?
Mister: Yoko sayo kamukha mo misis ko!
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Maid: Sir sinong mas yummy? si mam ba o ako?
Sir: Syempre naman ikaw day! bakit?
Maid: Naguguluhan lang po kasi ako eh... sabi kasi ng
driver, eh mas yummy
daw talaga si mam!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A chinese and Steven Spielberg were drunk in a bar...
Spielberg hit the chinese...
Chinese: why you hit me?
Spielberg: coz you bombed Pearl Harbor, my father died
there.
Chinese: but I am chinese not Japanese, stupid!
Spielberg: Japanese, Vietnamese, Chinese... all the
same!
.... chinese punched Spielberg
Spielberg: why you hit me too?
Chinese: Thats for the sinking of TITANIC.
Spielberg: but the Titanic was sunk by an iceberg, you
fool!
Chinese: Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg... you are all
the same!!
