Nakaamoy si Ngongo ng pabango sa isang store.
Sabi ni Ngongo, "Ale, mango!"
Sabi naman ng saleslady, "Pabango 'yan, hindi alimango!"
ulit ni Ngongo, "Ale, mango!"
Nag-agawan si Ngongo at ang saleslady sa pabango. Nahulog ang pabango at nabasag.
Sabi ni Ngongo, "Ale, masag!
Ang Bata Talaga
ina : anak bat ayaw mong mag paligo ke yaya?
anak : ayaw ko po. kc nung pinaliguan ni YAYA c DADI kanina ung Bird. alam mo mammy, pute pala ang dugo ni daddy. ^^
anak : ayaw ko po. kc nung pinaliguan ni YAYA c DADI kanina ung Bird. alam mo mammy, pute pala ang dugo ni daddy. ^^
Eksena sa Dyip: ang mga pilosopo
Estudyante: mama, bayad hoh!
Drayber: saan galling?
Estudyante: sa akin!
Drayber: (gago to ah) saan papunta?
Estudyante: e di sau! Tanga!
So you want a divorce?
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 60 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing,
Keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 65 mph. The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," He says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, And she's a far better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 75 He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently..
Up to 80 . "I want the car, too," he continues.
85 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!"
The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice.
"No, I've got everything I need," she says.
"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph,The wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."
Moral of the Story :
Women are crazy!!!!
Don't mess with them!!
The wife says nothing,
Keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 65 mph. The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," He says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, And she's a far better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 75 He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently..
Up to 80 . "I want the car, too," he continues.
85 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!"
The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice.
"No, I've got everything I need," she says.
"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph,The wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."
Moral of the Story :
Women are crazy!!!!
Don't mess with them!!
USAPANG LASING: IMBENSYON
amerikano: nakagawa ako ng isang barko
chinese: bale wala yan. ikiskis ko lng yan sa puwet ko! ako nakagawa ako ng eroplano
japanese: lalong bale wala yan. ikiskis ko lng yan sa puwet ko! ako nakagawa ng robot. May artificial intelligence pa.
amerikano:ikaw pilipino anung na imbento mo?
pilipino:simple lang, pero mas mahusay na imbento. kudkuran ng nyog. Sige nga, subukan nyong ikiskis sa puwet nyo! magkasugat sugat pa kayo!
chinese: bale wala yan. ikiskis ko lng yan sa puwet ko! ako nakagawa ako ng eroplano
japanese: lalong bale wala yan. ikiskis ko lng yan sa puwet ko! ako nakagawa ng robot. May artificial intelligence pa.
amerikano:ikaw pilipino anung na imbento mo?
pilipino:simple lang, pero mas mahusay na imbento. kudkuran ng nyog. Sige nga, subukan nyong ikiskis sa puwet nyo! magkasugat sugat pa kayo!
Bito, Berta, Bebang
Bitoy: Pare, ‘yung lolo ko, sa sobrang labo ng mata, hindi na makilala ‘yung lola ko. Ang nahalikan ba naman, ‘yung hipag ko.
Pitoy: Wala ‘yan sa lolo ko. Sa sobrang labo ng mata, nasagasaan niya ang lola ko, patay!
***
Berta: Sana, madaling malaman ang kalooban ng isang tao, ‘no? Sana, tulad ng ibang bagay na makikita.
Bebang: Madali naman ‘yun, ah?!
Berta: Paano?
Bebang: Manood ka ng nag-eembalsamo o inooperahan.
Pitoy: Wala ‘yan sa lolo ko. Sa sobrang labo ng mata, nasagasaan niya ang lola ko, patay!
***
Berta: Sana, madaling malaman ang kalooban ng isang tao, ‘no? Sana, tulad ng ibang bagay na makikita.
Bebang: Madali naman ‘yun, ah?!
Berta: Paano?
Bebang: Manood ka ng nag-eembalsamo o inooperahan.
Pulis at Intsik
Pulis: boss konting abuloy lang, may namatay na pulis.
Intsik: ako malaki migay amuloy masta alaw-alaw melon pulis paktay oke.."
Intsik: ako malaki migay amuloy masta alaw-alaw melon pulis paktay oke.."
Anong pinagkaiba
Anong pinagkaiba ng ulap sa pubic hair?
A .yung ulap pag hinawi mo,ulap parin,
B. yung pubic hair pag hinawi mo langit na.
waaaaahahaha
A .yung ulap pag hinawi mo,ulap parin,
B. yung pubic hair pag hinawi mo langit na.
waaaaahahaha
Pagkatapos ng kasal
Husband: Sinungaling ka, sabi mo virgin ka! Bakit kagabi maluwag na!
Wife: Ulol ka! Dahil lasing ka, katabi mo kagabi si mama!
Wife: Ulol ka! Dahil lasing ka, katabi mo kagabi si mama!
Random Jokes
Spanish teacher: Class use 'fuera' in a
sentence.
Student: Mis maestras son bonitas (my teachers
are beautiful).
Teacher: Oh, that's very flattering but where's
'fuera'?
Student: Fuera ka!
PERFECT HEAVEN: Having American salary,
British home, German car, Chinese food, and
Pinoy
wife!
PERFECT HELL: Having Korean car, British wife,
German food,
American home and
Pinoy salary!
Mare 1: Naku mare, ang gaganda ng mga anak mo!
Mare 2: Talaga, mare! Hay naku kung asawa ko
lang
ang inasahan
ko hindi sana
mangyayari yan!
NANAY: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang
bilangin?
ANAK: Mas bobo si tatay nay, kasi narinig ko
minsan sabi, "tama na inday, hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko."
sentence.
Student: Mis maestras son bonitas (my teachers
are beautiful).
Teacher: Oh, that's very flattering but where's
'fuera'?
Student: Fuera ka!
PERFECT HEAVEN: Having American salary,
British home, German car, Chinese food, and
Pinoy
wife!
PERFECT HELL: Having Korean car, British wife,
German food,
American home and
Pinoy salary!
Mare 1: Naku mare, ang gaganda ng mga anak mo!
Mare 2: Talaga, mare! Hay naku kung asawa ko
lang
ang inasahan
ko hindi sana
mangyayari yan!
NANAY: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang
bilangin?
ANAK: Mas bobo si tatay nay, kasi narinig ko
minsan sabi, "tama na inday, hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko."
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