Teacher at Boy

TEACHER: Anong mangyayari pag puputulin ang 1 mong tenga? 
BOY: hihina po pandinig ko. 
TEACHER: e kung dalawang tenga? 
BOY: lalabo po paningin ko! 
TEACHER: baket naman? 
BOY: malalaglag po salamin ko.

Lost a Bird

a priest lost a bird and asked during mass... 
Priest: anyone got a bird? all men stood up. 
Priest: i mean, anyone seen a bird? all women stood up. 
Priest: i meant anyone seen my bird? ...all nuns stood up

Vibrating cellphone

Mrs: Bilis! Nahulog cellphone ko sa loob ng panty ko, nagba - vibrate.
Mr: E anong gagawin ko? Kukunin ko sa panty mo?
Mrs: Gago! Kunin mo yung charger baka ma-low bat!

Dalawang Baliw

 Sira1: Magaling ka na ba? 
Sira2: Oo naman!!! 
Sira1: Talaga?...kaya mo bang tumawid sa ilaw ng flashlight ko? 
Sira2: Ano ko sira? e pano kung patayin mo flashlight mo?...e d nalaglag pa ko!!!