Manliligaw

Binata: Ale, liligawan ko po ang anak nyo. 
Ale: Huwag muna. Nag-aaral pa sya. 
Binata: Sige po, kapag uwian na lang nila. 

Itlog naman raw, Utban na sa Prutas

Tolong maga-amigong agko Poultry nagiinistoryawan manungod ku mga manok nirang ataman:

Pedro: Isi ninyo mga migo, su mga manok kong nabakal sa Batanggas, patutukaon ko sana sa paroy after 3 weeks nangingitlog na.

Jose: Luya man palan migo ay, su mga manok man na nabakal ko sa Laguna, babawgon ko sana sa buka, after 2 weeks nangingitlog na.

Owan: Ay ay ay, luluyang mga manok ninyo yan ay.. Su mga manok na nabakal ko sa Cavite, patutokaon ko sana sa Mane. Baka ngani sa di kamo maniwala, ta nababayad pa sana su Mane, nagluluwas na tulos a Darwang Itlog......

Selfie

Joey De Leon: Ano daw ang ginagawa ng mga taong gustong mag-selfie pero wala namang cellphone?

Sagot: Self pity....

TRIP TO JERUSALEM

May mag-asawa na nabigyan nang pagkakataon na makapagbakasyon sa Jerusalem. Yung lalaki ay retired teacher, at yung babae naman ay plain housewife na napaka-selosa at napaka-nagger.

Habang nandoon sila sa Jerusalem, nagkasakit at namatay yung babae. At habang inaasikaso nong retired teacher ang katawan nang asawa nya para sa libing, nilapitan sya nong isang staff nang funeraria para alokin:

Staff: Sir, baka gusto nyo pong e-avail yung promo namin nang libing dito sa Holy Land for $150 only.

Teacher: Hindi pwede iho, kailangan maiuwi ko sa Pinas ang asawa ko at doon ilibing. Para tuwing Araw ng Patay mabibisita namin sya sa simenteryo kasama ng mga anak ko. Magkano kaya aabotin lahat nang gagastosin ko maiuwi lang sya?

Staff: Cguro aaboting po nang $5,000. Sa tingin nyo po ba praktikal na gumastos kayo nang ganon kalaking halaga?

Teacher: Iho, alam mo bang noong panahon may namatay din dito, inilibing, at pagkalipas nang tatlong araw nabuhay uli. Gagastos nalang ako, kaysa magbakasakali.....

Ang Siopao

Kulas: Siopao nga, yung babae. 
Waitress: Babae? 
Kulas: Oo, yung may papel 
na sapin, parang napkin. 
Waitress: Ah! Lalake ang nandito. 
Kulas: Lalake? 
Waitress: May itlog po! 

Drunk Men in Saudi

A Filipino, a German and a Masri got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia , so for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.


As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes and the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Masri was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."

But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes and the Masri was also led away whimpering loudly.

The Filipino was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from one of most beautiful parts of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Filipino replied.

"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.

"And what is your second wish, ?" the Sheikh asked.

Filipino smiled and said, "Tie the Masri to my back" !!!